I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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