I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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