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So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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