Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just invented taco cereal.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
