Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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