Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
