I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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