One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Two words: blizzard sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
