we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
