Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
