he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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