hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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