Do you still have your period?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
