I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
