we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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