someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
