I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
