I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
