i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
