I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
