Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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