So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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