so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
