she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
