her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
