mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
