I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
