Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
