dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drunk is not a location!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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