do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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