If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
