I showed him my bush... on skype.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
