i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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