Do vagina's smell?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
