had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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