Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
