I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
