...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
