there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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