Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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