At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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