Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
