Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
