look no pants
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I FOUND THE LEGS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
