i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
