I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
