for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
