I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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