Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
