I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
