On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
