i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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