is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
